To those who read this god damn blog and expect to see their name

Yes this post is dedicated to all the people I know and care for....and well basically read this blog ; )
Actually the criteria is only the last. Yeah...

1) Praven, I'm proud of you. So very proud of what you are capable of. Who would have thought you had such  capacity to produce music like that. I don't even know where the music is coming from. And it's amazing to watch. (This ass doesn't read the blog but I know Sameer does so it's the same cause Sameer talks...alot)

2) Shatny, I don't tell you this enough but you are one strong woman. You know what you want and go after it. Getting the Ministry of Manpower Investigative Officer job wasn't easy but you did it and I'm proud of you. I look at you and don't fear about the person you're going to become in life. You may be emotional : ) but when it comes down to the gritty details of life, you've got it under control.

3) Prateepan...where do I even begin kid. You have the mind of our mother's. You want to do everything and anything. And I'm glad you're doing that at this age. You're like what some people I know would call the Jesus of Sembawang. You're not afraid to stick to a plan and follow it through. And what's better is that people follow you in your plans and not because you're bossy or insist they do but because you've gained their trust and they enjoy the plans you make.

4) Serena, babe, girlfriend haha. Getting into NUS is no easy feat and working your butt of there isn't any easier. You are doing an amazing job girl what with balancing your family, friends and AFT XD I know there are times when it feels superbly hard and you just wish you had someone to talk to, to pour all your emotions out to and well....just talk to. And the thing is you deserve the best. And usually good people have to wait for the best things in life. So just hold on Serena. Something special will happen : )  (I don't have a hot latin male being delivered to your house. That's not the special thing. But if the special thing doesn't come soon and you really can't wait, we'll go for the hot latin male delivery thingy plan.)

5) Naathan, you are probably the most hilarious guy I know....in Singapore that is. But you're funny all the same. You have so much potential and so much capability that I know you are capable for something more creative and bigger in life. So reach out and grab those dreams. Sometimes it's better if you start living your own dreams out instead of the dreams of others because your life does matter.


6) Prabs Prabs Prabs : ) Get that job as a chef soon and work your butt off. You have that skill in you. It's not like you can just cook. Anyone can cook. Some chefs can cook really well but they're missing something. It's like being able to play the notes for a music piece on the piano VS letting the music flow through your body and rising from your fingertips to caress the piano. Your skills to cook come from some place special. You don't just cook, you create pieces. Trust me. I would know. I love food.

7) Yoga, congratulations on being the best of the best. You wanted something and you went for it. It's amazing to see in what short time you've changed. You're still you but more matured and less OCP : ) Keep doing what you're doing Yoga because you're doing it well and with the support of everyone around you.

8) Idham, congratualtions for being the ...student of the term...right? Haha congrats seriously. I know how hard it's been for you and JC life isn't easy. But you must be doing something right if you're getting student of the term right? Stay strong and work at it. Don't let your mind wander and just focus. You'll do well. You're a smart kid.

9) Sameer....what can I say? Your ego carries you through any situation...lol But it's been great to watch you grow up to the person you've become. You have leadership qualities in you and you've started displaying them. Sometimes when I look at you I think you fear exerting those qualities because you're afraid of what would happen after you do so. Would people listen to you? Or would they just laugh it off? So that's why you either sometimes goof off or snap. But honestly I think you should try exerting one day. You'd be surprised by the results because you have the capacity to pull it off. But you still have to wait for Serena to step down to take over AFT.

10) KC, chinese fella. Honestly I'm impressed with you. You're like the male version of Serena. Not afraid to hang out with mostly Indians and Malays. Then again, you could be doing that to be the centre of attention. Yeah that makes sense. But honestly, you are one focused young man. For all the deluded, act cool, goof off fronts that you put up, I can see that you think logically and expect the best for yourself. And you should because you deserve it, all of you do.

11) Eh....Ghau doesn't read this blog right?

12) Kanitha : ) Dearest young lady. You're like that hidden talent that pops out of nowhere to wow everyone. You are intelligent, effective, logical minded, emotional (to a certain extent. which is good. because too emotional is obviously...tough...and not emotional...is tough...), strong hearted and confident. All the attributes any mother would want in their daughter and any man would want in their chicka ; ) You're in NUS now darling, nothing can stand in your way as long as you stand firm.

Okay if there's anyone else who reads my blog but isn't mentioned, sorry.

JOB!!!

I'm starting work in less than 9 hours!!! I'm excited in the "I've got something productive to do in the morning" sort of way! Plus, it's an interesting job of a service quality executive. They make it sound exciting. I'll experience my first day and then blog about it I suppose...

Trudging Through It All

This past year has been a nightmare. 2010 has definitely not been my year. As much as I try to smile through it all, there is that undeniable truth that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong...and all at the same time... I know...I'm being melodramatic. So sue me. But I've really been trying to keep a positive outlook on it all. No matter what happened, I'd shrug my shoulders, give a smile and convince myself that I'm not affected. It worked for awhile until everything just came crashing down.

And that's when I resorted to joking about it because I just couldn't believe that so many bad things could happen at one time. The moment the first bad thing happened, my mum said, "Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you're meant to travel a different path." If I only I got a dollar for everytime someone esle told me the same thing after that. It's not that I don't want to believe them. That would just make me childish and unreasonable. It's just that I can't accept the fact that my own future is out of my hands. And it's been ridiculously frustrating because I feel agitated and pissed off but I have to calm down about it because childish ranting and crying would not get me anywhere. So I pick myself up and dust myself and step forward again. But it feels like every step forward takes me 2 steps back.

I don't know when things are going to change. I just hope they do soon because as much as I preach having alot of faith, holding on for a year is really stretching it thin. Not being able to control what happens in my life is infuriating and taxing.

And writing became unimportant to me during this time because I felt no urge (like I used to) to write down my thoughts and pen down my dreams. Things became unimportant and I felt uninspired and unsure. But even during those times, I had to keep a level head. If there's one thing my mum has ingrained into my siblings and I is that no matter what happens to you, never ever break apart because time changes swiftly and so does your fate. She made sure we grew up learning how to think logically and react wisely.

And that's why I've got her to thank the most for. My mum has been important to me since the day I was bloody born. She never made me feel alone and has always been there. I don't know what I would do without her especially during this one year. Having her around to talk to is agitating and infuriating but at least I know that when I speak to her, I'm being honset about what I feel.

So what's the point of this post? Nothing majorly important to you my reader. But it is important to me. Because I'm slowly finding my stride back and I'm feeling inspired to write. I'm trudging through it all.

You can call me the woman with no tack.

Yes, I have no tack sometimes...sadly. I've just been told twice, by two different people that they were hurt by what I said....No surprise there. I know I have a sharp tongue and I control it pretty well...most of the time. And when I do know I've delivered a rather harsh blow, I quickly apologise for it, only when it was uncalled for.

But the no tack thing has worked out for me most of the time. It allows me to tell people what I think without hiding the truth under a shitload of flowery words. Direct speech is the best because you don't waste time and instead get right to the point. But you must also remember to make sure direct speech is kept strictly to work because you don't want it to affect friendships.

Sometimes my no tack in friendship stems from the fact that I'm not very good at relaying emotions. I'm not EQ low but I am emotion shy. Sadly true. And that is all the information I can provide about myself...for the moment.

Moving on to other matters. My legs still hurt and are sore from the ice skating trip on Sunday. Damn good fun and exercise but a hell of alot of muscle aches now. Things have been okay so far. I've taken a calm and patient perspective on this whole visa thing. When it comes, it'll come. I told my mum that the two of us have to calm down and just patiently wait. If I don't leave by next Tuesday, I'll just go next year for the January intake. I'll still finish in  August. So no big deal.

Okay...gonna head off to sleep land. Night!

Maturity- A perception rather than wisdom that comes with age

We naturally assume maturity comes with age but that is not the case at all. Maturity is a perception. It is a way of thinking. It is a logical way of thinking. Some of us, gain this maturity with experience while others lose it with experience. Situations change a person and the ideas they hold, may it be for better or worse. I have had the sad privilege of being around people who have lost their maturity because of the incidents in life they have faced. But then again, I am also surrounded by people whose level of maturity increases as they face life's problems.

But sometimes maturity seems over rated. It prevents you from doing ridiculous things and just going over the edge. It also prevents you from taking risks in your own personal life because you know the consequences and logically eliminate that experience without even trying it. It's awful sometimes because you want to go through that situation just to feel human but your maturity prevents you because it has distinctly identified the disastrous outcome.

So what do you do? You need to realise that every experience is crucial, every mistake necessary and that as much as you know you shouldn't be making it, you should make it. But not all the time like some idiots I know. Make a mistake once, learn from it and move on. Don't make the same stupid mistake over and over again. It's like failing in a module or subject and repeating that year. Repetition in a mistake makes you an idiot and your maturity decreases...rapidly.

Part 2 of whatever Part 1 was about...

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!! !*^&#^Q*#(&#^#%$ Asses.

My visa application was rejected. #&^%%#(&Q Idiots.

Naathan, you're my buddy and all but the fact that you handed over my rejected visa puts you in the jinx list for the next 1 week. Sorry.

I have to actually go through the application again! Today was a hell lot of running around, setting up a new bank account, and well...alot of other things. Tomorrow's going to be another long long and I mean LONG waiting session at the UK visa center...sucks. But it also means I have 1 more week in Singapore to spend time with everyone...but still sucks...because I'll probably be missing 3 days of my classes.

Now onto other things...the chalet was awesome : ) Everyone being there was important to me and the fact that I got to see my family on one day and my friends the next was fantastic. I had small talk with some of my friends it was good to hear from them after a long time. Biking with the gang was so cool haha. Motorised biking for the win! And kudos to Yoga for actually catching up with Sameer and me on his non-motorised mountain bike.

Alright...mentally exhausted so post ends here...

Yup..

LONG FREAKING POST BEFORE I LEAVE (PART 1)

WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG LONG LONG POST. (The writer will try to infuse pictures and colours and quotes to make it more interesting ; ) ) This long post is a result of the short time I have left in Singapore before I leave overseas to UK to complete my studies. There! I've finally stated it on my blog. I realised I was subconciously not posting on my blog because I didn't yet want to accept the fact that I was going. But not that I have, it's time to get posting ; )

So to begin with, so much much much has happened in the time that I've disappeared from my blog. But now I'm ready to blog about everything and I really mean EVERYTHING. So brace yourself : )

A)  I've been thinking alot recently, some unnecessary but thinking all the same. And it's come to my attention that I have met many different types of people in my life and there's a particular difference between one half and another. One half, actually wants some great and fantastical out of life, wanting to push the boundaries and test the waters while another half, want to play it safe and assume a safe role in life, with a simple path. I try to understand how and why some people can readily accept the simple life. 

• See, in the villages and tribes, the people there are not exposed to the outside world. So, why would someone like them want something more than the life they have if they don't know what more they can get? 

• But then, there are those who know what the world has to offer. They know what can be attained and the possibilities that lie out there. And yet, they choose not to run after that and prefer to keep the simple life. Why? Why would you do that if you knew there could be more? 

• It's almost like the question someone once asked my friends and I: "If you were attached to this person A for 4 years and your relationship has been going well and you suddenly meet this person B whom you come to feel is your soul mate, what would you do?"

Instantly, I answered, "Leave person A for B because I believe in soul mates and ofcourse there's the other fact that if Person B were my soul mate, then isn't it true that person A's soulmate wasn't me and his was still out there? And by breaking off with him, wouldn't I be giving him the chance to find his soulmate?"

However, my brother had a different answer. He said, "I'd stay with Person A! We spent alot of time growing our relationship and I'm not about to give up on what we have. I also have a duty to this person. So I'd ignore Person B."

•  You see, my brother prefers to keep it simple, sticking with the person he had been building a relationship with while I believe in going after what's out there because I believe there's more to life than just simplicity. I don't scoff at my brother's ideals, in fact I respect him for that because he knows what he wants and he seems to relish the fact of achieving them one day. I just can't imagine the same for me. 

• I think I'd actually die if I ended up leading a simple life. See as much as getting married to a man my family knows, having a nice job with a nice salary and having kids before I turn 26 sounds appealing to many, it doesn't sound at all to me. Don't get me wrong. I want to have kids, 4 in fact, just like my mum because as Jane Howard said, "Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."

 B) AFT has become a BIG part of my life. In fact, one day, if they'd all want, we could convert it into a private company.

• Leaving AFT had to be one of the hardest things I've done. It was such a huge part of my life and will continue to be even after I leave. When I first started this arts group, I never thought how important it would become to me. But it has and it's not only like a 2nd family to me, it actually holds a symbolic meaning of dreams coming alive. It's living proof that if you have an idea, any idea and enough passion to fuel it, that idea will take form an become real. It has proven to me the capabilities of the mind and whatever a group of youths can achieve together.

 

• "CinderElla Revamped" had to be the turning point in my life in many ways. I've never really talked about it with people or blogged about it but it definitely was. Nothing can compare to that first time rush you get when trying to accomplish something that others deem unworthy of their time. And I was impressed the group of youths who stepped forward, willing to embrace a raw idea. I've come to belief that this line delivered by the lead actress in the movie "Fighting Temptations" is in line with my point here: "The hateful people you meet in life, the ones that criticize you and ridicule you, are like sandpapers. And you're a diamond in the rough. These sandpapers will rub you with their hurtful words but at the end of the day, from all the rubbing, you turn out to be a sparkling diamond while that sandpaper is going to wither away into nothing."  

•  I'm leaving with Serena in charge of AFT and I trust her abilities but more importantly I trust her mind and the passion that she has within her. She knows the choice I had between having her as chairman and well...having her as chairman ; ) Sameer still has some years to grow but he'd make a fine choice someday : ) SO SERENA IF YOU'RE READING THIS, NO MORE DISAPPEARING ACTS! Thanks : )

• Naathan is left as the Director of Peter Pan and he has lived up to the expectations of that role. And Naathan, it will get harder as it gets closer to the date. In fact, it is going to come to a point where you feel yourself making life changing decisions. You're going to meet people who are going to piss you off but make you stronger and meet people who are going to stand by your side through it all. But most of all, you're going to discover the person you could become as time goes by. With that my friend, I leave you with these words, "Don't let anyone tamper with the believes and passion you hold for there will be those who will try to extinguish that flame. Guard it close and ensure that you blossom from your believes and passion because at the end of the day, not only must the people around you benefit and grow from this experience, you must too."

• To the core team of AFT; Thana, Kanitha, Henry, Sameer, Colin, Yoga, Prabs, Praven, Idham, KC and Ghauthaman,  thank you for trusting in my to follow my ideals and for sticking around long enough to see AFT grow to what its become. It took a lot of vision from the team of you'll to actually believe that AFT was going to be something someday. I hope that AFT will carry on progressing forward as it was meant to and that you'd be around to witness it's growth as well as your own. Good luck guys : )

   

I'm really going to miss you guys.

(I realise how much I have to write and as such, this is going to be the end of part 1 of the Long Post and part 2 shall be up soon.)