200th

It's my 200th post. And I've been putting off writing it because I wanted it to be something special. It's been a week since I began thinking and now I've got my thoughts sorted out.

I was supposed to fly off in September. That was the plan. But when it comes to my personal life, my plans never work out the first time. So I tried again, and once again it failed. But I was used to it. It's been happening all my life.

Let me try to explain this as clearly as I can. I am successful in many things. I'd rather acknowledge than be falesly modest. So anyways, I am successful in many things, all of which are projects or ideas I create outside of my personal space. However, anything I try to do personally for myself never works out the same way. I always have not 1 road block but more than 3. It's something I've grown rather used to. It's like a speck of dust on my shoulder. And I'm not exaggerating...but I really do mean everything I do for myself always goes wrong. My mum always thought I was being negative but I told her I was actually rather optimistic because despite the number of times I trip, I always pick myself up, dust of the dirt and carry on as if the first trip never hurt me. She soon realised I was right and even offered to bring a Feng Shui Master into my room.

But then those are all the small things that happen in life. The Visa thing...well that's really huge. And I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me. Come on....I got into Oxford's course. When I found out the 2nd time around that the visa was rejected yet again, I just nodded my head, got into the car with my mum, went home, locked my room door and screamed. Yes, I screamed like a banshee. I had to get it out. All the frustration, all the anger and especially all the disappointment. Then for weeks after that, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I felt tired and drained and completely miserable. The Visa was just one of the 3 things that had hit me hard this year. Alot of things I enjoyed doing became a chore and alot of people I loved hanging around became a pain because I just didn't want to face reality too quickly.

Slowly, I started piecing back pieces of my messy life. My mum really helped me through with this. I began to look for new options. I didn't want to go to UK anymore. It was energy draining and honestly I was pissed. So I applied to Monash University. But wait. Didn't I say that anything I try to do for my personal life has a hindrance. Yup. Applying to Monash wasn't easy as well. There was a mix up in my transcripts and well, I brushed of the dirt and told myself to hold my chin up and walk it off.

It was only until last week however, I began to really pick up the jagged pieces of my life; the parts I had thrown away the furthest. I picked them up one by one and reorganised them into my diary and restructured everything. Because I'll be damned if I fall apart at the age of 21. That is entirely unacceptable. 2010 has been a real pain in the ass, a blemish on my skin, a stupid weed I've tried pulling out. But 2010, has also been the year that has toughned me up. Nothing else can faze me now. Because the worst has happened and I dare anything bad to happen after this. If it does, I'm bloody ready this time around.

So I know this is the first time I've written a post about myself, personally. I don't write about what I really go through in life because I think those personal matters are best kept to myself and my mum but since this is the 200th post, I thought it would be nice to share one aspect of my life with my friends.

But please. Read this and don't discuss it with me : )

And for the record, I do feel stronger than before.

17 Days

Readers of Daily Dose of Crazy, it has officially been 17 days since I've drank pepsi, coke and eaten at a fast food outlet (I'm only counting Macs, KFC, Long John Silver, Burger King and...there's one more but my memory is failing me right now so...I'll mention it when I remember it.).

And how has it been? It started off rather shaky. I was sluggish and perhaps a tad been agitated because I couldn't drink my routine number of 3 cans a day. But slowly the lethargy ebbed away. I wake up better in the morning and am no longer having that thirst quenching craving for pepsi or coke.

I used to have that feeling but now water, grass jelly or any other drink would suffice. It makes me feel slightly better knowing that I can control what I put into my mouth. But I am no holy saint capable of withstanding the strong call of pepsi. Everytime someone gulps down the damn drink, I fidget my hands and have to pinch myself in order to snap out of it. But it'll be fine. I've survived so far and am handling it better than I thought I could.

Serena's also going off pepsi and coke! Haha And Prabs has gone off fast food!

Hang in there peeps.

Between Dawn and Dusk

The path that you walk upon is different from dawn,
Yet at dusk, one sun kissed land shall summon you forth.
In blood we are born but in spirt we are bound,
Our ends entwined, what change to be found.

The first is harsh, the path foreboding,
The stumble an evil but one for coping,
Tongues shall wag to ease your fall,
But words of wise crumble under experienced flaws.

One rung at a time, one branch to the next,
Time is neither plenty nor is it scarce.
Wander the planes that pique the mind,
Fear not the ripples for they shape your rhyme.

Come the rotten vines that creep through your veins,
Calm the raging storm spun from the sinful sinner's sins.
In anger but not in sorrow, In joy but not in pain,
Beckon the poison that seeps from the salt tasting rain.

In moments are the weak but in memories lie the strong,
Let it be a strength but as weakness, would prove you wrong.
Cast none aside, even the shaded hidden ones,
For not one is more important as a father would say to his sons.

The dunes will shift for the winds will shake,
Changing the designs that seal your fate,
But in this twilight between dusk and dawn,
Just remember our paths will rejoin.