200th

It's my 200th post. And I've been putting off writing it because I wanted it to be something special. It's been a week since I began thinking and now I've got my thoughts sorted out.

I was supposed to fly off in September. That was the plan. But when it comes to my personal life, my plans never work out the first time. So I tried again, and once again it failed. But I was used to it. It's been happening all my life.

Let me try to explain this as clearly as I can. I am successful in many things. I'd rather acknowledge than be falesly modest. So anyways, I am successful in many things, all of which are projects or ideas I create outside of my personal space. However, anything I try to do personally for myself never works out the same way. I always have not 1 road block but more than 3. It's something I've grown rather used to. It's like a speck of dust on my shoulder. And I'm not exaggerating...but I really do mean everything I do for myself always goes wrong. My mum always thought I was being negative but I told her I was actually rather optimistic because despite the number of times I trip, I always pick myself up, dust of the dirt and carry on as if the first trip never hurt me. She soon realised I was right and even offered to bring a Feng Shui Master into my room.

But then those are all the small things that happen in life. The Visa thing...well that's really huge. And I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me. Come on....I got into Oxford's course. When I found out the 2nd time around that the visa was rejected yet again, I just nodded my head, got into the car with my mum, went home, locked my room door and screamed. Yes, I screamed like a banshee. I had to get it out. All the frustration, all the anger and especially all the disappointment. Then for weeks after that, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I felt tired and drained and completely miserable. The Visa was just one of the 3 things that had hit me hard this year. Alot of things I enjoyed doing became a chore and alot of people I loved hanging around became a pain because I just didn't want to face reality too quickly.

Slowly, I started piecing back pieces of my messy life. My mum really helped me through with this. I began to look for new options. I didn't want to go to UK anymore. It was energy draining and honestly I was pissed. So I applied to Monash University. But wait. Didn't I say that anything I try to do for my personal life has a hindrance. Yup. Applying to Monash wasn't easy as well. There was a mix up in my transcripts and well, I brushed of the dirt and told myself to hold my chin up and walk it off.

It was only until last week however, I began to really pick up the jagged pieces of my life; the parts I had thrown away the furthest. I picked them up one by one and reorganised them into my diary and restructured everything. Because I'll be damned if I fall apart at the age of 21. That is entirely unacceptable. 2010 has been a real pain in the ass, a blemish on my skin, a stupid weed I've tried pulling out. But 2010, has also been the year that has toughned me up. Nothing else can faze me now. Because the worst has happened and I dare anything bad to happen after this. If it does, I'm bloody ready this time around.

So I know this is the first time I've written a post about myself, personally. I don't write about what I really go through in life because I think those personal matters are best kept to myself and my mum but since this is the 200th post, I thought it would be nice to share one aspect of my life with my friends.

But please. Read this and don't discuss it with me : )

And for the record, I do feel stronger than before.