Trudging Through It All

This past year has been a nightmare. 2010 has definitely not been my year. As much as I try to smile through it all, there is that undeniable truth that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong...and all at the same time... I know...I'm being melodramatic. So sue me. But I've really been trying to keep a positive outlook on it all. No matter what happened, I'd shrug my shoulders, give a smile and convince myself that I'm not affected. It worked for awhile until everything just came crashing down.

And that's when I resorted to joking about it because I just couldn't believe that so many bad things could happen at one time. The moment the first bad thing happened, my mum said, "Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you're meant to travel a different path." If I only I got a dollar for everytime someone esle told me the same thing after that. It's not that I don't want to believe them. That would just make me childish and unreasonable. It's just that I can't accept the fact that my own future is out of my hands. And it's been ridiculously frustrating because I feel agitated and pissed off but I have to calm down about it because childish ranting and crying would not get me anywhere. So I pick myself up and dust myself and step forward again. But it feels like every step forward takes me 2 steps back.

I don't know when things are going to change. I just hope they do soon because as much as I preach having alot of faith, holding on for a year is really stretching it thin. Not being able to control what happens in my life is infuriating and taxing.

And writing became unimportant to me during this time because I felt no urge (like I used to) to write down my thoughts and pen down my dreams. Things became unimportant and I felt uninspired and unsure. But even during those times, I had to keep a level head. If there's one thing my mum has ingrained into my siblings and I is that no matter what happens to you, never ever break apart because time changes swiftly and so does your fate. She made sure we grew up learning how to think logically and react wisely.

And that's why I've got her to thank the most for. My mum has been important to me since the day I was bloody born. She never made me feel alone and has always been there. I don't know what I would do without her especially during this one year. Having her around to talk to is agitating and infuriating but at least I know that when I speak to her, I'm being honset about what I feel.

So what's the point of this post? Nothing majorly important to you my reader. But it is important to me. Because I'm slowly finding my stride back and I'm feeling inspired to write. I'm trudging through it all.