The Wrong Girl

Remember the first time you saw her? That girl; the one who made your heart skip a beat? Yeah her. Seems like a million years ago doesn't it? The first time you had sweaty palms and you couldn't breathe properly. Or when you struggled to say the right charming words to her only to have nonsensical incoherent words such as "um...ah...Hi." fall from your lips. Remember that one moment when you were walking alone down the corridors of your school and you happened to see her with her friends. Do you remember what happened next?

You held your head high and straightened your back. You pulled out your phone, clicked a few random buttons before chucking it back into your pocket as you walked by her and just...just barely glanced at her (even though you were dying to stare at her for hours on length) and smiled a whaz-up-girl-i'm-just-chillin-in-the-hallways smile.

Yeah...that didn't happen, did it? Instead as you were walking by her you channeled the klutz energy of the world and practically tripped over your own foot and barely...just barely caught yourself, ignoring her and praying to god she didn't see that. God, did that day suck. You went home and chastised yourself for making that fundamental mistake and everyday after that you hoped she hadn't already branded you as the klutz of the school.


Beyond that every second you spent with her was a memory you stored away for future refrences. You tried to say witty things before her. Most of the time you succeeded and she'd laugh at your jokes making you puff out your chest like a lion preening before his mate. But then other times, she'd just give you a polite smile and you wonder if you did or said something wrong. And you begin to review every single action just so you can pinpoint the problem. But the thing is, the only 'wrong' thing you did... was to 'like' her.

You see, she started sensing you're feelings for her. Tiny hints that you dropped here and there, she caught them. Oh yes she did. She wasn't dumb. She was just good and covering up her reactions. So she thought instead of coming to a moment where you would confess and she would have to reject you, she'd just avoid the whole ordeal by setting boundaries.

But you were young and you didn't get it back then. So those boundaries...yeah...you didn't see them. So it went on like this for awhile and soon you found yourself feeling confused and most of all hurt. Didn't she like you? What was wrong with you? What did that guy, whom she flirted with, have that you didn't have? What did you have to do to make her like you that way? What could you do?

Honestly, nothing. She just was....the wrong girl.

Then you finished school and you saw the crush for what it was.... a crush. So you shrugged your shoulders, dusted off those times and told yourself you were going to find the right girl. And she was going to love you for you. A year went by and nothing happened. Oh some girls came and went but none for whom you had any strong affection for.

And then she came along. Oh she! She with her witty comments and her intelligent mind. She with her outspoken ways and loving manners! She with her....you get it.

So you decided to court her as knights of the old would have. If your group of friends decided to meet up, you'd meet up with her earlier so that you guys could have a conversation alone. And she went along with you! She seemed to enjoy your company and she laughed at all your jokes...sometimes louder and longer than the joke's expectancy was supposed to be....but that's not the point! The point is the two of you got along so well!


Soon she was dropping hints of wanting more from the friendship and you were pleased. Because here, for the first time was a girl was reciprocating your feelings. You pinch yourself to make sure it's real and then you decide to go in for the kill (ignore the murder-like connotation). You decide you want to propose to her. So you start turning group outings into dates. The two of you spend more time alone and evantually you are at a position where there is nothing left to do but propose.


Being the knight in shinning armour that you are, you decide to make it romantic and you plan the whole thing out. There's dinner, then a romantic walk and then you lovingly hold her in your arms and ask, "Will you be my girlfriend?" And she looks up into your eyes and smiles adoringly (all this while, the theme song of titanic plays in the background) and whispers....."Yes."


And that one word makes your heart skip like it never did before. The two of you share a kiss and as you hold her in your arms, you make a promise that you'll treasure this girl forever and protect her from the dangers of the world.

That lasted for at least a year.


You see, the two of you enjoyed your honeymoon period for awhile. She called you late at night, you called her late at night. The two of you talked until someone fell asleep on the phone if not you'll would play the ever present lover's game of "No you hang up first....No you....No you go first....Okay fine, let's count to three and we'll both put down the phone..Okay...one, two, three!......hello...haha Come on! You were supposed to put down the phone...You go first....No you...." Yes. Well. You get it. It is a horridly annoying game but when you are in love, it surprisingly becomes fun to play.


Other than that, the two of you were inseperable. You'll would text lovey dovey messages to one another. You would share your food and drinks with her. You would eat what she liked. The two of you would hold hands wherever you went....and that was everywhere. And she'd cuddle up to you on bus rides and you'd feel all man and powerful.

But shit happens.

You guys just grew apart....some might say you changed....or she changed...or you both did. Others might say...the two of you just got into a relationship too fast. But what do they know? It's not like they were ever in a long lasting relationship. So they were just giving opinions based on pure logic. But you. You experienced it. And you knew what went wrong and what went right. Even if it took you awhile to realise. So what was it? What went wrong? What did she do that caused the break up? What did you do? What could the both of you have done to save the relationship? Could you have done anything?

The truth is...no. She just was.....the wrong girl.


So after awhile of mourning and self pity and long long painfully long calls with your friends, you decide it's time to move on. You begin to enjoy yourself once again. You don't think about her much....I said much. You still did think about her. Just not that much. But you were moving on....slowly.
Time passed, a year or so, and you were back. You loved life and you were looking forward to finding the girl you would come to love. Because you believed that you had learnt from your mistakes and would be able to make better decisions.

But time went by and you made more friends but none were potential girlfriends. After awhile you didn't care. You told yourself that if she came along...that brilliant. If she didn't then she evantually would. But you were not hard up for a girl.

But then she came along. And your heart skipped a beat.


This time, it wasn't a "Holy Mother Mary! I'm in love!" kind of situation. This time, the feelings crept up on you slowly and unexpectedly. She was not what you imagined but you liked her for her quirks. She seemed different and she was vulnerable. And you really liked her sense of humour; different it was from most others. But you liked it. But a relationship was not what you had in mind...yet. You wanted to get to know her better so you hung out with her and she with you.

Soon you realised that despite what others said, the two of you had alot in common and you both enjoyed each other's company. As the year went by your feelings for her grew but you never told her of them because you knew she was fragile and you didn't want to make things worse for her. So, being the nice guy that you are, you held back.

But....you soon became the 'friend'. You know....the guy who the girl calls to talk to when she's bored, hurt, bored, drunk, bored, bored.....you get the picture. You were confused....again. You thought to yourself, "I shouldn't be confused. I should have my shit together. I should know what to do." But alas. You are mere mortal. Hence you didn't know what to do.

So this went on for awhile. And you soon became restless. You soon decide that you wanted more. So you garner up your confidence and courage and talk to her.


It didn't go so well.

Turns out she didn't like you that way....but she treasured your frienship. GOD DAMN IT! WHY!?!?!?! WHY GOD WHY!?!?!?! You curse inside and stare at her stoically on the outside. You appear calm on the exterior but inside, you were loading your AK-47 and shooting down every god damn girl that ever lived to torture your very soul. So as you nod your head in understanding and attempt to explain this to her, in your head, you went on a complete killing spree and even managed to throw some grenades around to destroy several romantic buildings such as the Eiffel tower and the Taj Mahal.



CURSE THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE!



You smile at her and say it's okay. The two of you will be friends.


It wasn't easy. You still liked her. But you were trying. You knew that it was a lost cause and you did treaure her friendship so you tried.


But you couldn't help but wonder, "What did I do wrong?", "Should I have asked her way earlier?", "Is it her?", "Am I not her type?", "Does she like someone else?", "Could I have done anything better?", "What was it?"


The truth? Nothing. She was just....the wrong girl.

It's going to happen. You're going to make a mistake. You're going to want the wrong thing. You're going to hate yourself. You're going to question your every move and you're going to have a million bad memories.
But it's okay. You're only human.
And it's not that those girls were bad or you'll shared horrid memories. You had good memories with them and they were nice. They were just the wrong girl. Sometimes it takes you a million mistakes to then make the right choice. And when you do. It's going to be worth it.



Because then, you would have met the Right Girl.

MRT Seats

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/stood-mrt-seats-054805547.html

The above link leads to a news article written on yahoo about a girl who was accused of not giving up her seat to an elderly person. And as the article suggests, this is not the first time that has happened. Other youths or adults have similarly not given up their seat. The horrid, devious and heartless people!

.....

Sometimes I truly believe we Singaporeans have nothing better to do with our lives. Seriously? For the love of god! If a person did not give up a seat, tell them!

What happened to good old 'straight forwardness'!!!! Simply, tap the person on the shoulders and politely say, "Ma'am (or sir if it is a male ofcourse) this person requires a seat. Do you mind giving it up?"

Shockingly hard isn't it? I suppose the act of touching a fellow human being is what turns off most people.

And if the person even in that situation refuses to give up his or her seat, then trust me on this, someone else will. Because compassion and respect, although forgotten in the midst of globalisation are traits that still exist and will surface in such situations. And the person who didn't give up the seat? Well he or she will receieve scathing looks and harsh comments aimed at him or her. So why bother posting up an article about the person? It just makes you mean and petty.

But that's not the point of this article. The point is that instead of dishing out judgements online or anywhere else, please offer a person the option of proving him or herself. That makes you a better person for actually trying to get the other human to make the right decision.

Make sense?

Love As I Know It

So here's something I rarely talk about; love. And even if I do, I don't think I have a believable set of ideas of what it should be. I mean I can sprout some pretty logical stuff but in all honesty, I have absoultely and I mean ABSOULTELY no idea what love is.

I've had friends who complain about not finding the right guy or girl or friends who are in relationships and seem so sure about their relationships and then those who simply get lost in the realm of love.

And me? I'm one of those who stand on the sidelines, popcorn in hand, body tensed, watching those who dare or are stupid enough to take the plunge into that ocean  called 'love' (cliche I know but just roll with me) where they are pushed, pulled, tugged and tossed about as though a storm was taking place (yeah...I thought if I completed the sentence it'd be better but it sounds so corny lol)

(I thought the picture might help...you know evoke emotions...about storms...and the tossing part...and...forget it.)

Anyways, love is really that; a storm. I mean there's so much emotional turmoil and so much mayhem involved in the process. But I can go on and on about love and there'd be a wide variety of sub headings to discuss. So, to narrow it down, I'm going to list 5 reasons why I don't want to fall in love and 5 reasons why I love the idea of love. Contradictory I know. But hey, in life we tend to have opposing perspectives about everything and this is just another grey area. Besides I'm not alone in this situation. There's plenty of you out there who probably feel the same way as I do....I think.

So back to the matter at hand...here are the 2 lists.

LIST 1
WHY I DON'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE

1) I'm commitment phobic.
Yeah yeah. It's a line many of you have probably heard before and it's mostly from guys. But us girls, well some of us, have commitment issues. I don't want to get into a relationship because I'm afraid I can't give enough of myself to a guy or atleast give him as much as he gives me. Because I'm the kind of person who doesn't expect anything from anyone. I don't expect someone to follow me when I go somewhere or be there when I'm sad or talk to me when I'm feeling bored. So I don't want to be in a situation where a guy thinks he needs to do things for me because then I feel like I owe him something back; like I'm committed to him.
2) I don't want to experience the Pain I've seen others go through.
Pathetic yes. Stupid no. I've had friends who have been so many times by love that they can't seem to trust anyone else after that. I don't want to have to go through life altering, mind changing situations although I know I won't be able to prevent it from happening in the future. I suppose I am the wary sort. Stay at the bleachers and don't get involved in the game. That way, you won't know the pain of the game but at the same time, you won't know how good you are at the game.

3) Can't Stand Phone Conversations.
I don't really want to sit all day long and listen to him prattle on about his day. Unless he's a famous adventurer who goes on daring escapades and fashions stories for me to listen. Then, I'd listen : )

4) Emotions= Mess
It's true. Don't deny it. But I have friends who are the epitome of masters of emotions. Maybe they're not gurus of it but they do believe emotions are good and that it's not wrong to express it and harness that emotion. But for me, emotions means a mess. I don't want to be a mess because of someone else. I rather be in control....yes I'm a control freak.

5) I'm a Coward
I'll admit to that. Being in love means opening up yourself to that other person and letting them in completely. And that's not something I'm comfortable with! It's cowardly I accept but I just can't do it. It's like exposing yourself and allowing yourself to get hurt. Seriously, people who do so are either brave brave souls or dumb asses.

List 2:
WHY I LOVE THE IDEA OF LOVE

1) Because every girl dreams of her prince charming.
He may not be a knight on a horse or a guy with a castle but he's a man who loves his woman dearly and will do whatever it takes to protect her and love her. He is strong and silent. I'm not talking about a man who broods (although that's attractive in another way ; ) ). I mean a man who is calm and poised and who can take charge of a situation. He knows his own worth and  is does not step back down from a challenge.

2) Because love means there's some sort of happy ending for you.
It's nice to think I'd get my 16 candle ending or a scene from Ghosts of Girlfriend's past:

3) I've seen people who are truly in love and watching them makes love seem amazing and possible for us common folk.

4) Movies. Yes. I blame them because they plant ideas in your head such as running along a beach can be romantic or montages of love scenes in your life is realistic or kissing in the rain is sexy...you know what I mean.

5) It means you won't grow old and die alone.
Morbid but oh so very true.


So those are my lists. There's actually many more points but unless I'm asked to, I'm not going to carry on writing all of them out.

And I don't know when I'll fall in love for the first time or have my 1st kiss or even if it will happen. Heck, I'm not even sure I'll work up the courage to admit to someone I'm crushing on that I like them. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, is if Hugh Jackman were single and available, I'd be the first one in the line to snare him.

Good day folks : )

I'm Back!!!

And sorry for disappearing from my blog for nearly a month. My apologies. Life has a way of getting one wrapped around her finger so tightly it's difficult to pull away for a private moment or two. But I've managed to swindle some time for myself to post in my neglected blog.

So what's been happening? Well lots. Getting back to school was hard at first but after awhile I got back into the swing of things and I started remembering how to thrive in a crazy study environment. I'm surrounded by perfectionists and high achievers. I mean considering how 3/4 of them want to get into medicine, it comes as no surprise because your final score has to be close to perfect. Which is why I'm on 7th Heaven right now because I just got back my 3rd chem test results and I got FULL MARKS again baby!!! Meaning my chemistry score is at a 100% with no loss in mark. I might consider taking up medicine now....haha

So what else has been happening? Well my writing skills are coming back to me. I'm begining to write confidently once again without any hesitation or fear. It's an amazing feeling when your pen touches the paper and you are in utter confidence of what you are writing. The feeling is awesome as any fellow writer would agree.

Other than that, it was a long weekend last week. Started on Friday and ended this Tuesday. It was because of Easter Day and ANZAC day (An Australian and New Zealand holiday). Oh and by the way. I just only recently came to the realisation that New Zealand was bloody close to Australia...I'm such a dimwit.

So for the long holidays, together with my newfound friends here in Melbourne, I went city touring.

First we went to the Melbourne museum:

Then after that, we went down to Federation Square (It's something like Esplanade except smaller). There were tons of outdoor comedy shows because of the International Comedy Festival being held here now. We watched two shows for FREE (that's the Singaporean in me screaming) and then we went to take pictures of graffitti which I must say now is EVERYWHERE. And I mean EVERYWHERE. Melbourne is literally coated with graffiti.

After that, we went down to Lygon street which contains all sorts of Italian restaurants. After 10 minutes of walking around, being promised to be well taken care of by the Italian bosses in true hustler fashion, we chose one of the restuarants. I prayed to the food gods that my dish would be awesome because my taste palettes needed to be whetted. And they answered! My rissoto was heavenly!!! Even after I became full half way through, I kept stuffing another spoonful into my mouth, unable to stop myself XD (And yes I've put on weight.)

After that we decided to go home. But we stumbled upon a quaint rooftop bar near our place and there was a comedy show titled "Dirty Secrets". We just had to watch it. So our night ended with that : )

The next day, we went out to the beach:

This is the Saint Kilda beach. There are other nice pictures. But they're all on facebook....so....you can check them out there : )

So my weekend went awesomely well. I really enjoyed seeing Melbourne from the native's point of view instead of as a tourist. It actually makes a helluva lot of difference because by staying amongst them, you see places and visit places you normally wouldn't if you were staying at a hotel.

And....it's 12.30am here and I'm feeling exceedingly lazy. So I'm gonna go sleep and I'll post soon. I really promise : )

PS: And 19 more days till I can eat fastfood and drink pepsi and coke!!!

My Life in AUSTRALIA

I know I know. The title is quite 'drama mama' considering how this won't be the only post of me being in Australia because of the number of years of study I have left ahead. But it still feels special to me become I'm not yet accustomed to the culture and more importantly weather here.

Anywhos, to give a quick breakdown, I left Singapore on the 19th of March at about 9pm and was seen of by my friends who honestly made it bittersweet for me. My family members were there as well and I remember as I walked into the terminal and turned one last time to face them (Ravin's shout for me to turn around could not be ignored), I felt a sense of loss because it was then that it clicked that I was not going to be on familiar ground once I landed in Australia. I have always been so used to being in charge of my surroundings, knowing what consequences my actions will call and having a group of people I know so well and they me in return. In Australia, I would have to start from scratch and though I was excited at that prospect, a part of me was hesitant because I was 21. Did I really want to start from scratch?

But there was no other choice. I was already boarding the flight (bootless by the way because I had to take off my boots at the customs.) and we were soon to take off. I was seated in the plane when I sneaked calls to my mum and messaged Prabs and basically trying to make everything seem normal. I suppose I wanted to delay the inevitable sense of loss of familiarity till the very end. If a call here and a message there would help, then by god, I woud do it.

The Prabs sent me this, "We're all standing in a line." I looked out to the left side, and there I saw, the only line at the window pane. I resisted raising my hand and waving to them knowing fully well that even if I started waving frantically, they would not see me because to them, my window was not large enough to see into and spot and differentiate faces. Then an idea implanted itself in my head. What if I used a lazer light and flashed it back forth, wouldn't they be able to see it? It was a stupid idea. I wondered if the Chinese Australian next to me had a lazer light.

Soon, the plane began to move off. All I coud do was watch the line of people fade away as the plane took off. Even in that plane, I thought I might die; that the plane might crash because I just couldn't picture my life in Australia. I really couldn't. I couldn't see myself walking through the streets and eating in the shops. I couldn't visualise myself shopping at the stores or even entering a bar.

But here I am.

Today I went to the Victoria market. Yesterday I went to 2 different shopping malls just to have Hot Thick Italian Milk Chocolate. Needless to say, as James put it, "It was the Sex." Or in my words, "A piece of heaven that just warms your inside in a bitter cold weather". James and I also walked by a peition that was going on outside the Melbourne State Library, "SIGN FOR SAME SEX MARRIAGE". I wanted to sign it. James pulled me away.

Two days back, during class break, my new friend Monisha and an even newer friend Simba (yes it's the name of the Lion from Lion King) from Africa went to eat sushi at a small restaurant near our school. Simba has never eaten sushi before and it was his first time using chopsticks. But boy did he become a pro after just 10 minutes of fiddling around with it. I felt like an idiot.

And then ofcourse there was yesterday night where we went to a club, "JetBlack". Monash students were there and we decided to go as well. Wow. It was lame except for the stunt someone pulled and if you would like to know about that stunt, you may call me or text me and I shall bequeath upon you the torrid details ; ) Anyways, we didn't do much there but I have a ink stamp on my right wrist of them club's emblem and it refuses to come off!!!! Damn it.

Oh and to get to the club....okay let me first explain it's location. I live in the city. Which is like Orchard in Singapore. James lives in Boon Lay and Raj in Pasir Ris. This club is at City Hall. So, we took a cab out because it was at 2am. Then, we wanted to come back, flagging down a cab wasn't easy, so we waited until suddenly this car pulled up and an international student offered to drive us back into the city for 18 bucks which is half of what we'd pay for a cab. Everyone was okay with except for rigid old me who was caught in between the joy of finally saying "I HITCHHIKED!" and "I'm sorry mum. I didn't know what I was doing getting into a complete strangers car."

I hitchhiked.

So that's been my week so far and I've got a test to study for so I'm going to end this post here.

Oh and I don't like people who keep saying Bless you everytime you sneeze. Say it once and stop! You make me feel horrible for sneezing all the time because I feel like when you say "Bless you" Every Single Time, there's an underlining "Stupid girl! Sneezing all the time" undertone to it.

So please. Just say "Bless you" once and stop. Because it just annoys me. And when I'm sneezing and get annoying, my reflexes go spastic and I might punch you.

Peace out : )

Chapters Of Love; A Valentine's Story

On the 12 of February, I got to direct an amazing cast and crew of people. This production meant so much to me and everyone who worked in it. We accomplished everything within a span of a month and the result was amazing. As I walk with my friends who came to watch the play, I still hear lines from the play being repeated as the laugh at the characters who sprouted their jokes so well.

"Chapters of Love; A Valentine's Story" started of as just a play but ended up being a huge mark for all of us and Arteen Furteens:

We have now proven that we are capable of producing quality small plays that endear the audience to the characters we are portraying. There has never been a greater accomplishment for me and I have the cast and crew of the show to thank.

To my cast: 

Sameer, Cheryl, KC, Nicole, Jazreel, Melissa, Kishan, Serena, Mustafah, Kristine, Colin, Luke and Syawal who all brought their own flavour to the character. You made the play fantastic and drew the audience of 57 to fall in love with you'll.

To my crew:

Publicity Department: Palani Raj, Bhavna and Ghau. Oh my god. The pictues were amazing, the posters wonderful and the programs brilliant : ) What more can I say?

Props Department: Kanages and Nanthinie! Brilliant job you guys. You made with what little budget we had and made that small stage look cozily wonderful. And that's not from my mouth. It's from the audiences : )

Dance Department: Christine! You were fantastic. You stepped up to the plate and choreographed and disciplined the dancers and produced a dance that no one will forget anytime soon!

Music: Prabs and Cheryl! Prabs thank you for managing the music well and for performing together with Luke and Nicole! Cheryl, thank you for bringing your own original song to the table!

Who raised enough funds to donate to the Children's Cancer Foundation : ) And we had more than the expected audiences. I look forward to watching this production being put up again because for all those of you who missed it, you have definitely missed out on a night full of fun, laughter, tears an smiles : )

Peter Pan & Chapters of Love

OH THE STRESS!!!!

Well that about sums it up.

It's been a long weekend stretching into Monday and Tuesday and it's going to be a long week as well.. Last Thursday was when it all started. I got up in the morning and went for Thaipusam (A Hindu festival) to support a friend of mine who was carrying kavadi (Basically this beautifully decorated altar-like stand that the person carries above them with peircings through their back, front and sometimes face). So we walked and we walked and we basically walked.

After that, went back home at about 4pm and rested abit before heading down to watch "Phases" a production by students from NAFA. It was Nicole's school production and it was definitely worth watching because the short plays were thought provoking.

Anyways, got back home and woke up the next day bright and early so as to finish off the "Chapters of Love: A Valentine's Story" script. It's basically a production Arteen Furteens (AFT) is doing to raise funds for a charitable organisation. I can't really name the organisation yet due to legal issues and so on. So...I'll wait for confirmation from their side before I state the beneficary. It means alot to me to be raising the funds for this particular foundation so this production is of high importance to me.The script comprises of several love stories all intertwined into one.

So anyways back to the topic at hand, I completed the script at 5pm and by then, I had to make my way down to the CC to start printing the new copies of the scripts. Then rehearsals for this production started at 7pm and we ended at 10pm.

My Saturday then started off with rehearsals for the Peter Pan production from 9am all the way to 5pm. After that, I rushed down to watch "Guru of Chai" which I must say is a brilliantly well acted play. The solo actor performed for the entire 75minutes without breaking out of character once. His easy portrayal of different personalities was simply mind boggling and I vow that at one moment during the play, I almost believed he was someone else despite the fact that he was garbed in the same attire the entire time.

Anyways, after that I went out for dinner with those who went to watch the show, we went to drop Bhavna home and that's when we lost our way from Tampines all the way to Woodlands. I had never been so agitated before! I tried to keep my mouth shut but my sarcastic tongue got the better of me...and well I went home not in the best of moods...when your cup (a symbolism for life) is filled up with all the good things in life, someone WILL come along and piss in- Guru of Chai.

Anyways, when I got home, my two nephews were already asleep! I felt like killing myself for missing the opportunity to spend time with them. With the knowledge that I won't be able to see them the next day because I had to leave the house early, I went to asleep ready to perform suicide.

Sunday morning came and I woke up at 6.30am (I just love giving the mundane details). AND TO MY JOY, HARESH AND AVINESH (MY NEWPHEWS) WERE AWAKE!!!! I managed to play with them for an hour before I left with my mum to Woodlands Waterfront for Resident's Day. I met up with the AFT group; Serena, Prabs, Yoga, Naathan and Sameer. I had awesome fun sketching for small kids, playing traditional games like "5 stones", desiging bookmarks and watching performances. After that, my mum and I headed over to my cousin's new house for the house warming. We left later in the day and when I got home, I was already to collapse in fatigue.

Monday started early as well. I met up with Prabs and we went down to Art Friends to purchase several "HEAVY" products to build sets for the "Peter Pan-Revamped" Production. We then dragged all the purchases back to the CC. We ate abit before we started building the rowboat. Here's how it looks without paint:

It's not much of a picture. We've yet to paint it so DON'T JUDGE : )
Those two telescope looking things beside it are the cannons...also incomplete.

And here's some pictures of the roll by scene we're doing for the Flying scene in Peter Pan:

We're colouring the entire thing out of crayons...I think I have arm muscles now.

So then I went home and the next day, which was yesterday, I got up early, went to the bank, settled some bank transfers and then went down to the CC again. Prabs and I completed 4 cannons and I finished drawing the roll overs. We then ate and rehearsals for "Chapters of Love: A Valentine's Story" began at 7pm. It ended at 10pm and let me tell you, those 3 hours went by so fast, I felt like getting down on my knees and begging for more time.

And now I'm home reflecting on the 6 days that have gone by so fast. I feel like I'm a day behind though. I need to speed myself up tomorrow.

In The Magazine

I thought I would log in here at the stroke of midnight when 2011 was declared to post a lengthy speech on why things are going to change. But actions mean alot more and I didn't need to write out what I felt for me to feel it would come true.
I feel the change and I know I'm in control of everything that happens from here on out so I'm not worried about 2011 and the years to come. I'm more excited about them.

So let me get back to the title of my post! I'm in a magazine. But we can all calm down. It's not some top notch fashion magazine ; ) It's the passion card magazine. Here's the link: Passion Card Magazine

They basically selected 5 different interest groups and a youth each to do a photoshoot for the cover and a spread within the sheets. They talked about Arteen Furteens!!! It's exciting to know that more and more people will know about us because it makes it even more worthwhile when we spread the message of Arts is for Everyone.

My Sunday

Sunday was a wonderful day. I'm not trying to be cliched but it was. It started of at 9am in the morning when I headed down to the CC to meet with the AFT members and Ganesh and Nat from Ngee Ann Poly. We then went down to the open space opposite Sun Plaza to decorate it for the Christmas Party. Everything went smoothly. Kids came to make kites and I actually had fun teaching them how to make it. I was no expert and a kid and I tried to make it fly....it did lift off the ground for 30 seconds and then it came crashing back down : ) I didn't say I knew how to make it fly ; )

Then the colouring competition started. We went from having 0 kids participating to 13 kids. After that, we set up for Open Mic Night which saw 7 new acts and 3 of our AFT members performing. Sameer and Henry emceed and I must say they make damn good emcees as a team. They should really carry on doing what they do because they're bloody good at it!

So the moment Open Mic Night ended, I rushed back home to change for Sethu and Bhava's birthday party. The theme was Oscars. Met up with the rest and we headed off to Orchid Country Club. Here are some photos from the night:

The Red Dress my bought me.

A mixture of my old and new friends : )

AFT members! And Ravin and Suady

The 16 year old Birthday Girl! : )

The 21 year old Birthday Boy : ) And the Paki! lol

And just for the fun of it....here's my Ninja Gingerbread Man (Made by Serena)

Awesome Christmas Eve Out

What more can a girl ask then a pleasant outing on the eve of Christmas, a festive for which she has no reason to celebrate due to the fact that she's not christian. I however love Christmas because of the presents and decorations. Yes. My reasons are rather shallow.

Anywho, got up in the morning to head out with my mum to collect my brother's present. It is a Dark Knight Original one of ten a kind poster that I got framed for him as well. Had to collect Naathan's Iron Man poster as well. Then from Esplanade, headed off to Orchard for lunch with the female cousins, Mahes, Shanty and Selvi. Ate at Bali Thai which had surprisingly good food. We then did our gift exchange and I got a gift from Shanty; a necklace with a pendant that's a boot : ) Love it. When I'm less lazy, I'll take a picture of it and put it up here.

Then from there went back home to grab some stuff and then headed off to the CC to meet up with the rest. We printed Christmas song lyrics and grabbed our instruments before heading off to Vivocity. Once there, we ate and sang and enjoyed the fireworks. It was a feel good evening that was free of any expectations. We could all just be ourselves and I honestly did not care what anyone else thought was right or fun because I genuinely enjoyed myself in the good old fashioned sense.

So while we crooned to the tunes, the younger men were playing cards right next to us....loners. Haha but it was fun nonetheless and when the fireworks lit the sky, I just sat back and grinned to myself. Things couldn't have been put together better than that. I handed out my gifts to everyone and passed Serena and Naathan theirs. Serena's gift to me was awesome. Really woman it is : ) A samurai styled letter opener? Come on. I love it!

And then things went to hell from there...haha. Well not to hell. It was just the public transport. It was like every god damn singaporean was at Vivo and was trying to leave at the exact same time. So everything was jam packed and took twice as long to do.  Either way we got back home parted ways. And when I came home my brother gave me his present to me and it was this adorable voodoo looking earpieces. Hilariously thoughtful : )

So that was my christmas eve and this weekend just like every other week's weekend is packed with activites so this writer is going to sign off in hopes that she might get some rest in order to face the next day with less eye bags : ) (Than she already has that is.)

NIGHT! AND MERRY CHRISTMAS READERS : )

Why Women Are Single

Here are my top 10 carefully worded reasons why single women are....well.....single.

She's single because...

1) HER FATHER WAS ABUSIVE and hence she is turned off to most men. Generally these females become strippers as intelligently proven by the famous Chris Rock in this video here. He's rich. He can't be wrong.:


2) She is single because she is FOCUSED ON HER CAREER NOW. Bullshit! Oh please. If she's focused on her career then she should give up ties with her mum, her dad and anyone else she has a relationship with. Seriously? Focusing on your career? Gentlemen. Know this. That line is just an excuse females use for they fear getting into a relationship hence they hide behind their careers as cover.

3) She is single because of HER PARENTS. No explanation required. Especially if you are an Indian girl.

4) She is single because NO ONE HAS ASKED HER OUT BEFORE. That can be a real turn off for a chick. If no one has ever asked her out before then she's going to feel inadequate and unsure if she's attractive enough. Here's 2 possiblities as to why she has never been asked out before: a) She's too intimidating. b) The guys around her are generally cowards or gay. Because every female is attractive in some way and deserves to be asked out for that reason.

5) She is single because SHE IS CONFUSED ABOUT HER SEXUAL PREFERENCES. It's true.

6) She is single because ONLY WEIRD GUYS ASK HER OUT.

7) She is single because SHE'S A HOPELESS ROMANTIC and nothing would do short of a knight with a devastating smile in shining armour who will gallop towards her in a black Arabian horse and would love her as she would him till the end of eternity. A castle would help too.

8) She is single because SHE'S A GOLD DIGGER and that turns off most men. Shocking. You would think the male species would be okay with that as long as she's hot and isn't turned off to sex. I'm just saying.

9) She is single because SHE'S A COUNTRY SINGER and they are generally picky with their men because they fall into the No. 7 category.

10) She is single because SHE IS A NUN.

Get The Spark Back

It's odd how I want to grin now. A smile that would stretch from ear to ear. I don't care what may happen after this or what others may say. I don't care about the days of sorrow that may come after this. I don't care about anyone who may try to put me down. I don't care about the hurt I may face.

Because I feel passion again. Passion for everything in life. I want to do everything and anything. I want to try something new and make sure I excel at it all. It makes everything seem brand new and every turn a possibility of adventure. I'm tired of letting life steer me in a direction that it deems fit. Control lets you decide your own path and the stories that you can tell.

I feel passion for the things that will come to be important to me in the future.

I feel passion for Peter Pan. It's going to be a fantastic production. Nothing can change that fact. Everyone has that spark in them and we're going to pool it together because we've got less than 3 months and it's time to gear up and hit this production full on : )

I feel passion about writing. It's my thing! Conveying my ideas and dreams into words for others to read. That's my thing! I'm not going to let it slip through my hands once again. I'm going to write like never before and make sure that everyone reads my thoughts because they do matter.

I feel passion about so many other things that there's too many to list : ) I intend to try it all, do it all and live it all. I'm only 21 and I've got my whole life ahead of me. If I don't live it, who's going to?

I know it seems like a pep post and I suppose it is but it's a start from what once was : )

So about my life! Recently it has been rather hectic. There have been so many 21st Birthday parties. There were 4 alone over this past one weekend. And through all these hectic weekends and weekdays, I've come to realise alot of things and learned to tolerate alot of people.

Bitching about people ain't going to help no one. So tolerance is key. There are some people who will annoy you through stupidty disguised as intelligence. You can't really get angry with them can you? At least I can't. Yes, I have a rule. Only get angry with people who are genuinely mean. So the ones who annoy you in the manner of stupidity should just be tolerated. And I'm learning how to do so.

And then, there are those you meet who shock you with their change in character. You think you know them and they do something to make you think otherwise. Now, I believe myself to be the rather stubborn sort when it comes to protecting others. If you do something wrong to those I believe I care for then I would choose something drastic to show my disapproval. It isn't right to some but it is what it is.

So I have met the sorts of people I've mentioned above and I've learnt how I tend to react to them. I don't regret how I behaved but I want to refine the manners in which I would react to future similar situations.

I know this is a rather absurd post, heading in directions that seem messy and I promise to do better tomorrow. Yes the daily dose of crazy is back.

I think I'll discuss reasons as to why females are single tomorrow...seems like a rather entertaining post.

200th

It's my 200th post. And I've been putting off writing it because I wanted it to be something special. It's been a week since I began thinking and now I've got my thoughts sorted out.

I was supposed to fly off in September. That was the plan. But when it comes to my personal life, my plans never work out the first time. So I tried again, and once again it failed. But I was used to it. It's been happening all my life.

Let me try to explain this as clearly as I can. I am successful in many things. I'd rather acknowledge than be falesly modest. So anyways, I am successful in many things, all of which are projects or ideas I create outside of my personal space. However, anything I try to do personally for myself never works out the same way. I always have not 1 road block but more than 3. It's something I've grown rather used to. It's like a speck of dust on my shoulder. And I'm not exaggerating...but I really do mean everything I do for myself always goes wrong. My mum always thought I was being negative but I told her I was actually rather optimistic because despite the number of times I trip, I always pick myself up, dust of the dirt and carry on as if the first trip never hurt me. She soon realised I was right and even offered to bring a Feng Shui Master into my room.

But then those are all the small things that happen in life. The Visa thing...well that's really huge. And I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me. Come on....I got into Oxford's course. When I found out the 2nd time around that the visa was rejected yet again, I just nodded my head, got into the car with my mum, went home, locked my room door and screamed. Yes, I screamed like a banshee. I had to get it out. All the frustration, all the anger and especially all the disappointment. Then for weeks after that, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I felt tired and drained and completely miserable. The Visa was just one of the 3 things that had hit me hard this year. Alot of things I enjoyed doing became a chore and alot of people I loved hanging around became a pain because I just didn't want to face reality too quickly.

Slowly, I started piecing back pieces of my messy life. My mum really helped me through with this. I began to look for new options. I didn't want to go to UK anymore. It was energy draining and honestly I was pissed. So I applied to Monash University. But wait. Didn't I say that anything I try to do for my personal life has a hindrance. Yup. Applying to Monash wasn't easy as well. There was a mix up in my transcripts and well, I brushed of the dirt and told myself to hold my chin up and walk it off.

It was only until last week however, I began to really pick up the jagged pieces of my life; the parts I had thrown away the furthest. I picked them up one by one and reorganised them into my diary and restructured everything. Because I'll be damned if I fall apart at the age of 21. That is entirely unacceptable. 2010 has been a real pain in the ass, a blemish on my skin, a stupid weed I've tried pulling out. But 2010, has also been the year that has toughned me up. Nothing else can faze me now. Because the worst has happened and I dare anything bad to happen after this. If it does, I'm bloody ready this time around.

So I know this is the first time I've written a post about myself, personally. I don't write about what I really go through in life because I think those personal matters are best kept to myself and my mum but since this is the 200th post, I thought it would be nice to share one aspect of my life with my friends.

But please. Read this and don't discuss it with me : )

And for the record, I do feel stronger than before.

17 Days

Readers of Daily Dose of Crazy, it has officially been 17 days since I've drank pepsi, coke and eaten at a fast food outlet (I'm only counting Macs, KFC, Long John Silver, Burger King and...there's one more but my memory is failing me right now so...I'll mention it when I remember it.).

And how has it been? It started off rather shaky. I was sluggish and perhaps a tad been agitated because I couldn't drink my routine number of 3 cans a day. But slowly the lethargy ebbed away. I wake up better in the morning and am no longer having that thirst quenching craving for pepsi or coke.

I used to have that feeling but now water, grass jelly or any other drink would suffice. It makes me feel slightly better knowing that I can control what I put into my mouth. But I am no holy saint capable of withstanding the strong call of pepsi. Everytime someone gulps down the damn drink, I fidget my hands and have to pinch myself in order to snap out of it. But it'll be fine. I've survived so far and am handling it better than I thought I could.

Serena's also going off pepsi and coke! Haha And Prabs has gone off fast food!

Hang in there peeps.

Between Dawn and Dusk

The path that you walk upon is different from dawn,
Yet at dusk, one sun kissed land shall summon you forth.
In blood we are born but in spirt we are bound,
Our ends entwined, what change to be found.

The first is harsh, the path foreboding,
The stumble an evil but one for coping,
Tongues shall wag to ease your fall,
But words of wise crumble under experienced flaws.

One rung at a time, one branch to the next,
Time is neither plenty nor is it scarce.
Wander the planes that pique the mind,
Fear not the ripples for they shape your rhyme.

Come the rotten vines that creep through your veins,
Calm the raging storm spun from the sinful sinner's sins.
In anger but not in sorrow, In joy but not in pain,
Beckon the poison that seeps from the salt tasting rain.

In moments are the weak but in memories lie the strong,
Let it be a strength but as weakness, would prove you wrong.
Cast none aside, even the shaded hidden ones,
For not one is more important as a father would say to his sons.

The dunes will shift for the winds will shake,
Changing the designs that seal your fate,
But in this twilight between dusk and dawn,
Just remember our paths will rejoin.

Here's Why...

Here's Why....


1) I'm working: Because I prefer to keep my time occupied and getting a job never hurt anyone. In fact, this is the first real job I've had...teaching aside.


2) I'm not in UK: Because UK believes I'm a terrorist and refuses to approve my visa...twice. Because things happen for a reason. Because there's something I've yet to finish before I go. Because I haven't told the people who matter that I will miss them.


3) Praven's awesome: He went to help me get a damaged $79.90  dress exchanged but in the end couldn't so bought a new dress and told me he managed to exchanged it.

4) I know Deepavali's here: Mum's shouting at us at 8am on weekends to clean the rooms and dad went missing. It's like he knows...

5) AFT is my baby but at the same time isn't: AFT was an idea. AFT was a dream of mine. AFT is not an "It". Rather, it's an emotion. Arteen Furteens is not defined by the events but more by the people in it. And it started small but slowly new people join and the family grows whether we like it or not. Sometimes old habits die and new ones emerge. Sometimes we have to adapt or just fade away into the darkness. So Yoga mentioned something in his blog about how things seem to be changing and the energy fading. Well it's true and he's also right in saying it's everyone's responsibility to do something about it.

I love you guys but that is no longer my job. I believe that you have the capability to do something about it. I believe that individually you have something special to bring to the table. And you have to stand strong. AFT was built for those who loved the ARTS but were not given an opportunity. SO  MAKE SURE YOU STICK TO THAT MOTTO BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHOULD DEFINE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE COMMITTEE. IF YOU LOSE SIGHT OF THAT THEN AFT MAKES NO SENSE. AFT will always be there. It can never fade away. But it's up to the people inside to except newcomers and cultivate their talents. It's up to you guys to take AFT into the next phase. Jokes aside guys. A new term is coming! Can you imagine the new ideas that can come out!
And the postponment of the musical is sad and yet at the same time making it a tradition for the musical to fall on March. And right after will be AFT night! So please, when times are down and things seem bleak, each of you have that matchstick (will) to start a fire. You just need the right surface (dream) to flick the matchstick against for fire (AFT spirit) to come alive.

Do that. Because you have more lives to touch. You should never stop.

To those who read this god damn blog and expect to see their name

Yes this post is dedicated to all the people I know and care for....and well basically read this blog ; )
Actually the criteria is only the last. Yeah...

1) Praven, I'm proud of you. So very proud of what you are capable of. Who would have thought you had such  capacity to produce music like that. I don't even know where the music is coming from. And it's amazing to watch. (This ass doesn't read the blog but I know Sameer does so it's the same cause Sameer talks...alot)

2) Shatny, I don't tell you this enough but you are one strong woman. You know what you want and go after it. Getting the Ministry of Manpower Investigative Officer job wasn't easy but you did it and I'm proud of you. I look at you and don't fear about the person you're going to become in life. You may be emotional : ) but when it comes down to the gritty details of life, you've got it under control.

3) Prateepan...where do I even begin kid. You have the mind of our mother's. You want to do everything and anything. And I'm glad you're doing that at this age. You're like what some people I know would call the Jesus of Sembawang. You're not afraid to stick to a plan and follow it through. And what's better is that people follow you in your plans and not because you're bossy or insist they do but because you've gained their trust and they enjoy the plans you make.

4) Serena, babe, girlfriend haha. Getting into NUS is no easy feat and working your butt of there isn't any easier. You are doing an amazing job girl what with balancing your family, friends and AFT XD I know there are times when it feels superbly hard and you just wish you had someone to talk to, to pour all your emotions out to and well....just talk to. And the thing is you deserve the best. And usually good people have to wait for the best things in life. So just hold on Serena. Something special will happen : )  (I don't have a hot latin male being delivered to your house. That's not the special thing. But if the special thing doesn't come soon and you really can't wait, we'll go for the hot latin male delivery thingy plan.)

5) Naathan, you are probably the most hilarious guy I know....in Singapore that is. But you're funny all the same. You have so much potential and so much capability that I know you are capable for something more creative and bigger in life. So reach out and grab those dreams. Sometimes it's better if you start living your own dreams out instead of the dreams of others because your life does matter.


6) Prabs Prabs Prabs : ) Get that job as a chef soon and work your butt off. You have that skill in you. It's not like you can just cook. Anyone can cook. Some chefs can cook really well but they're missing something. It's like being able to play the notes for a music piece on the piano VS letting the music flow through your body and rising from your fingertips to caress the piano. Your skills to cook come from some place special. You don't just cook, you create pieces. Trust me. I would know. I love food.

7) Yoga, congratulations on being the best of the best. You wanted something and you went for it. It's amazing to see in what short time you've changed. You're still you but more matured and less OCP : ) Keep doing what you're doing Yoga because you're doing it well and with the support of everyone around you.

8) Idham, congratualtions for being the ...student of the term...right? Haha congrats seriously. I know how hard it's been for you and JC life isn't easy. But you must be doing something right if you're getting student of the term right? Stay strong and work at it. Don't let your mind wander and just focus. You'll do well. You're a smart kid.

9) Sameer....what can I say? Your ego carries you through any situation...lol But it's been great to watch you grow up to the person you've become. You have leadership qualities in you and you've started displaying them. Sometimes when I look at you I think you fear exerting those qualities because you're afraid of what would happen after you do so. Would people listen to you? Or would they just laugh it off? So that's why you either sometimes goof off or snap. But honestly I think you should try exerting one day. You'd be surprised by the results because you have the capacity to pull it off. But you still have to wait for Serena to step down to take over AFT.

10) KC, chinese fella. Honestly I'm impressed with you. You're like the male version of Serena. Not afraid to hang out with mostly Indians and Malays. Then again, you could be doing that to be the centre of attention. Yeah that makes sense. But honestly, you are one focused young man. For all the deluded, act cool, goof off fronts that you put up, I can see that you think logically and expect the best for yourself. And you should because you deserve it, all of you do.

11) Eh....Ghau doesn't read this blog right?

12) Kanitha : ) Dearest young lady. You're like that hidden talent that pops out of nowhere to wow everyone. You are intelligent, effective, logical minded, emotional (to a certain extent. which is good. because too emotional is obviously...tough...and not emotional...is tough...), strong hearted and confident. All the attributes any mother would want in their daughter and any man would want in their chicka ; ) You're in NUS now darling, nothing can stand in your way as long as you stand firm.

Okay if there's anyone else who reads my blog but isn't mentioned, sorry.

JOB!!!

I'm starting work in less than 9 hours!!! I'm excited in the "I've got something productive to do in the morning" sort of way! Plus, it's an interesting job of a service quality executive. They make it sound exciting. I'll experience my first day and then blog about it I suppose...

Trudging Through It All

This past year has been a nightmare. 2010 has definitely not been my year. As much as I try to smile through it all, there is that undeniable truth that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong...and all at the same time... I know...I'm being melodramatic. So sue me. But I've really been trying to keep a positive outlook on it all. No matter what happened, I'd shrug my shoulders, give a smile and convince myself that I'm not affected. It worked for awhile until everything just came crashing down.

And that's when I resorted to joking about it because I just couldn't believe that so many bad things could happen at one time. The moment the first bad thing happened, my mum said, "Everything happens for a reason. Maybe you're meant to travel a different path." If I only I got a dollar for everytime someone esle told me the same thing after that. It's not that I don't want to believe them. That would just make me childish and unreasonable. It's just that I can't accept the fact that my own future is out of my hands. And it's been ridiculously frustrating because I feel agitated and pissed off but I have to calm down about it because childish ranting and crying would not get me anywhere. So I pick myself up and dust myself and step forward again. But it feels like every step forward takes me 2 steps back.

I don't know when things are going to change. I just hope they do soon because as much as I preach having alot of faith, holding on for a year is really stretching it thin. Not being able to control what happens in my life is infuriating and taxing.

And writing became unimportant to me during this time because I felt no urge (like I used to) to write down my thoughts and pen down my dreams. Things became unimportant and I felt uninspired and unsure. But even during those times, I had to keep a level head. If there's one thing my mum has ingrained into my siblings and I is that no matter what happens to you, never ever break apart because time changes swiftly and so does your fate. She made sure we grew up learning how to think logically and react wisely.

And that's why I've got her to thank the most for. My mum has been important to me since the day I was bloody born. She never made me feel alone and has always been there. I don't know what I would do without her especially during this one year. Having her around to talk to is agitating and infuriating but at least I know that when I speak to her, I'm being honset about what I feel.

So what's the point of this post? Nothing majorly important to you my reader. But it is important to me. Because I'm slowly finding my stride back and I'm feeling inspired to write. I'm trudging through it all.

You can call me the woman with no tack.

Yes, I have no tack sometimes...sadly. I've just been told twice, by two different people that they were hurt by what I said....No surprise there. I know I have a sharp tongue and I control it pretty well...most of the time. And when I do know I've delivered a rather harsh blow, I quickly apologise for it, only when it was uncalled for.

But the no tack thing has worked out for me most of the time. It allows me to tell people what I think without hiding the truth under a shitload of flowery words. Direct speech is the best because you don't waste time and instead get right to the point. But you must also remember to make sure direct speech is kept strictly to work because you don't want it to affect friendships.

Sometimes my no tack in friendship stems from the fact that I'm not very good at relaying emotions. I'm not EQ low but I am emotion shy. Sadly true. And that is all the information I can provide about myself...for the moment.

Moving on to other matters. My legs still hurt and are sore from the ice skating trip on Sunday. Damn good fun and exercise but a hell of alot of muscle aches now. Things have been okay so far. I've taken a calm and patient perspective on this whole visa thing. When it comes, it'll come. I told my mum that the two of us have to calm down and just patiently wait. If I don't leave by next Tuesday, I'll just go next year for the January intake. I'll still finish in  August. So no big deal.

Okay...gonna head off to sleep land. Night!